Sunday, September 28, 2008

What I've Chosen

Over the course of the past year I experienced one of the most challenging periods of my life, which also happened to be one of the longest time periods that I remained challenged. There were many things that I was challenged with as a first year high school teacher, but in short, I was dealing with a very ungodly group of parents who consistently challenged my authority in and out of the classroom. I was astounded with the claims that they made against me and I was often left reeling after meetings with my administration trying to process the lies they had told about things that I had supposedly said or done. In addition to learning how to teach, I was now being forced to deal with a situation that I felt was very out of control and very unfair. I knew that God had a purpose in this situation but it wasn't clear which was very frustrating. In fact it wasn't clear until about eight weeks into my summer vacation. Through lots of prayer and reflection, as well as a series of conversations with a friend, it had become apparent that my difficulties with these parents were made even more difficult because I had allowed my job to become my god. Every decision I made, whether it be about spending my time or money, revolved around my commitment to my first year teaching job. This shift of focus from God to work compounded my feelings of being overwhelmed, dissatisfied and completely worn out. I had chosen to serve my job over serving my God.

It has been two months since God made me aware of my sin and my tendency to give everything over to my career. Since then God has helped me desire to lead a more balanced life that is centered on desiring and choosing God. This change in perspective has also reminded that my job is not my identity. I am once again confident that I am a daughter of the living God who has a purpose for every moment and situation of my life, no matter how challenging. I am thankful for this realization, as well as the changes that have accompanied it. It is my prayer now that I will live more consciencly in the reality of my relationship with Christ.

More to come later this week on not losing heart...

No comments: